Compressed
by caleb302105
Summary: A Lovelly tale of WALL-E and friends and their adventures on the Axiom.


Wall-E noticed that Gopher had put the plant in the emergency evacuation shuttle, so he slinked over to the shuttle, picked up the plant, and adoringly called, "Eva!" Eva then replied, "WALL-EEEEEE!", as the shuttle ricocheted insanely out of the chamber. Then WALL-E heard an alert over the intercom spoken by a kindly, female computer voice: "Self-destruct in ten seconds. Have a nice day!" WALL-E began frantically pressing every button he could get his robot mitts on, one being the particular knob that immediately made the pod double back and make an immediate stop at the garbage dump, where it promptly blew up. When the dust settled, Eva stared up in horror at a vast chamber, filled to the brim with rubbish, and found only one piece of what was left of WALL-E – his eye, which was still twitching spasmodically and staring at Eva with adulation. She rushed over to the twitching eye and cradled it with great affection. After staring at WALL-E'S eye for what could have been hours, Eva suddenly got an idea that she would attempt to reassemble WALL-E from his pieces, which were scattered all around the cavity, amongst the cascades of garbage. So she did, with some minor errors of judgment on her part. For example, she replaced WALL-E'S operating system, which just so happened to be the Mac OS, with the Terminator 3000 Series OS. In addition, she added the "Deathbot" Expansion Pack Operating System onto WALL-E'S newly installed additional solid state hard drive. Finally, she installed a revolutionary optional food processor that she had retrieved from the refuse pile, as it might come in handy were he to be involved in the culinary arts.

The reassembled WALL-E sat quite still for a tense minute, causing Eva to fear that he was lost forever. She stared expectantly and was delighted when his binocular-like eyes began to recalibrate. "Oh, WALL-E!" Eva gushed, inexpressibly relieved to see him alive. She rushed over and embraced him. Then, something unexpected happened. Quite suddenly, WALL-E turned to inspect his surroundings, located the plant in its shoe pot, and incinerated it with his laser. Aghast, Eva shrieked, "WALL-E!" and pulled out her laser cannon. Unfortunately, she was not fast enough. WALL-E grabbed her violently with an iron grip, crammed her into his compressor, and crushed her into a little, white plastic cube with a green, glowing plant on it. His eyes gleamed red as he emotionlessly ejected the cube from his crusher. WALL-E knew what he had to do. It was time to CRUSH. He immediately hopped onto a nearby elevator and requested, in an innocent voice, to be taken to the bridge. There, he met Auto and made a truce that they would try to hijack the ship as a team. The first order of business was to get rid of the other WALL-ES because WALL-E wanted to be the only one. Auto had an idea; he pointed his button puncher over towards a nearby control panel and pressed a few keys. The LED display across the room came to life and showed a live picture of the garbage dump and the other WALL-E. WALL-E cackled gleefully and rubbed his mitts together when the message on the screen popped up and informed them that Auto had activated the airlock disposal. He watched with satisfaction as the other WALL-Es were sucked out into the vacuum of space, limbs fluttering frenziedly, the refuse following behind. WALL-E paused for a moment to watch what he thought was the plastic, white cube formerly known as EVA float by the bridge and then be eagerly snatched up by another WALL-E which smashed her again in to a larger cube with other miscellaneous garbage. The WALL-E then ejected her into the infinite void of space and reached efficiently for another hunk of floating garbage.

WALL-E'S reprogrammed mind then turned to eradicating the denizens of the ship, starting with the captain. He casually requested the whereabouts of the captain and Auto informed him that the captain was still asleep in his quarters. WALL-E leapt onto a nearby elevator and pressed a billion buttons until he figured out which deck to go to get the captain. Once in the captain's cabin, he stealthily crept around until he heard snoring and somebody mumbling unintelligibly in the dark. All of a sudden, he shrieked "light!", and then unceremoniously dumped the captain from his bed directly into his crusher. After he had finished compacting the captain, WALL-E picked him up, threw him in the elevator and pressed the emergency elevator cable release button. The elevator car free fell to the bottom of the shaft. Then the elevator doors flew open with a cheery "ding," and the "captain cube" was sucked out into the vast garbage dump and then in to outer space. WALL-E was quite pleased with himself, naturally, but still remembered those pesky "whales" (A.K.A. passengers) floating around on hovering lounge chairs in the main part of the ship. He planned to lure them all to the dump, but how? Then he had an idea. WALL-E exchanged words with Auto. He requested that they shut the dump doors so all the stock piled pests wouldn't get sucked out until they were smashed. He then had Auto open all the appropriate doors for getting people to the dump when he had Auto list to the starboard. After all the preparations had been made, Auto speedily turned his wheel to unbalance the ship and he and WALL-E watched intently on the display screen as the hapless, floundering "whales" slid off their hovering lounge chairs and began to roll en masse toward the other side of the ship. The floundering people began to bellow and grasp for whatever they could to stop themselves, but it did no good. Then an advertisement flashed up on the gigantic screens of the Axiom about the new and improved BNL Angry meals that were being sold on the Lido deck for a mere fortune. The response from the "whales" was a collective groan. WALL-E's caterpillar tires zoomed towards the Lido Deck, where the obese "creatures" were clinging for dear life. After he reached them, WALL-E found that he could not stop himself from compacting everyone who was within reach. So he continued to compress the shrieking, scrabbling passengers until Auto commanded him, over the intercom, to hold off. Auto was a bot of great efficiency, and he didn't want to wait around for his obsolete accomplice to finish compacting the entire mass of flailing humanity. WALL-E Protested fiercely, shaking his robot appendages wildly in the air at Auto, but he knew all too well that Auto was correct. So he held back while Auto activated the airlock disposal, which promptly sucked the flabby passengers into the garbage hold and out into the infinite void of space. Within minutes WALL-E became bored to tears with nothing to do. He came to the conclusion that he would convince Auto to commence Hyper Jump to Earth, so he could have more garbage to compact. He resolved that if Auto did not comply with his wishes, the glorified, red-eyed steering wheel would be eradicated soon enough.

Meanwhile, Auto was busy making preparations for him and WALL-E to stay on the ship together… forever. Specifically, he was working on disabling the engines of the ship one by one. WALL-E burst into the cockpit and stared Auto down. Then he gave a pointed gesture at his compactor and a map of Earth to indicate that he wished to Hyper Jump back to the polluted planet to resume his trash-compacting duties. Auto didn't seem to deduce WALL-E's meaning right away, so WALL-E naturally assumed that Auto opposed his proposition. Therefore, he lunged forward and propelled himself up several feet on his caterpillar tires, binocular eyes fixed on Auto. The steering wheel produced a monotone "NOOOOO…" before being wrenched into WALL-E's compactor and crushed into a tidy metal cube. WALL-E deposited the cube in the rubbish bin, and then slipped over to the helm of the ship to prepare for Hyper Jump. Unbeknownst to WALL-E, Auto had already disabled all the engines on the starboard side of the ship. Thus, when WALL-E activated all the engines, only the port side ones responded, sending the ship in a circle. Frustrated, WALL-E increased the power, hoping that this would eventually trigger the starboard engines. The ship spun faster and faster, and quite suddenly, WALL-E noticed that all the space garbage around them was closing in. As WALL-E Hyper Jumped, he merely increased the spinning ship's rotation to faster than the speed of light, creating a supermassive black hole that consumed the Universe within ten billion years. By then, WALL-E was beyond bored and quite content to be decisively compressed into a speck a trillionth the size of the point of a pin.

THE END


End file.
